Mediation!
This was arranged quickly, and me and my attorney prepared for about two hours the day before our mediation meeting. We arrived at mediation together, and about 20 minutes before scheduled time. My attorney used this time to speak with the mediating attorney, and start planting some seeds to how we were going to be proceeding. My ex showed up about 5 minutes before time, without her attorney who showed up about 15 minutes late. We finally got started. I will try and be chronological in what happened in mediation (best I can remember).
The very first thing the mediator did was ask for pictures of our kids. He stated that they were more important than anything – which I agreed with. I have two pictures in my wallet of my kids. My ex does not have any pictures of them with her. He took my two pictures and placed them on the table in front of him. He then asked me what I was looking for during this mediation. My response was as much time as I can get with my kids. My ex and her attorney started their ‘wants’ with the counseling our daughter was attending. Counseling I did not agree with (nor the medication that had been prescribed). We discussed and argued over this for about an hour.
- Side note about my daughter: She was having behavior issues around August 2010. My wife got her in to see a counselor in Sept 2010. This counselor only ‘treated’ women. The info my wife was telling her was not correct. The counselor has a pediatrician on staff, who prescribed an ADHD medication to my daughter. It did not work, so she prescribed another medication (Risperidone) and it seemed to help some, so we stuck with it. some of my daughters behavior was pointed only towards my wife. Seeking attention…(?) I was concerned about all of the treatment and medication, and questioned my wife in January of 2011 as to what was being discussed with the counselor (I had let my wife be in control of all of the treatment taking place). My wife told me the counselor was saying our daughter was bi-polar. I did not agree with this assessment. Made the comment to my wife that I did not like the counselor and that she was the type to make a false accusation of child-abuse by one or more parent. After being served my divorce papers and basically kicked out of my house, I arranged a meeting with the counselor and pediatrician. Low and behold, one of the first things they mentioned to me was sexual abuse (and they were pointing finger at me…). I played it cool and didn’t get emotional (angry or otherwise) with them. I was recording the whole conversation anyways, just in case I needed any evidence.
I agreed to continue taking my daughter to the counselor and to keep giving her the medication prescribed, BUT, after 6 months, I was allowed to seek a second opinion – at my expense. I did not agree with her course of treatment that my ex was adamant about.
We moved to division of assets. I had already prepared a list of all of our ‘stuff’. What I wanted, what was mine before marriage, etc. They agreed quickly to the list.
We moved on to the time with the kids. But before we got too in depth with this, we took a bathroom break. While me and my attorney talked outside the bathroom, the mediating attorney came through. My attorney bent his ear some more as to what we were going after. We got back in the meeting and started the discussion of the kids. He asked what we wanted, knowing good and well already what we wanted, and we laid out the idea of split time. We went back and forth as to how to work it out. We ended up with week on/week off, with two nights a week dinner with the kids. We hammered out the holidays and other special days throughout the year.
Moved into taxes. She would get to claim the kids for 2010 and 2011, and I would get the mortgage deduction for the house. I thought that was fairly simple. She even got the better deal. After that, I would get to claim our son, and she would claim our daughter. When our son aged out at 18, we would split our daughter every other year until she aged out at 18.
Next came the house. She wanted to stay in it. We suggested she attain a mortgage on her own and finance out my equity. If she couldn’t refinance, then I would have the opportunity to refinance and buy her out. We agreed to split an appraisal and that if we both failed to refinance, who we would use to sell the house.
They agreed to drop the restraining order. We all agreed that there would be a split of medical, education expenses for the kids. We agreed to no alimony or child-support either way. Agreed to each pay our own attorney fees (Remember, I don’t have any …). Agreed that I could start getting my stuff out of the house. Agreed that my attorney would draw up all of the paperwork.
We spent about 5-1/2 hours in mediation. It cost me $600.
I will elaborate some more later on what we agreed on here and what actually took place. But for the most part, we had everything divided.
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